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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596818">Clara, The Clumsy, Nihilistic Maid</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalThespian/pseuds/DigitalThespian'>DigitalThespian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Maid Cafe, Nihilism, Thieves Den</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:48:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,471</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalThespian/pseuds/DigitalThespian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Akira is working through the awards at the Thieves Den, and in that pursuit has been visiting the maid café in Akihabara. It turns out Clara has a sense of humor he can appreciate. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Persona 5 Protagonist/Other(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Clara, The Clumsy, Nihilistic Maid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Have a crackfic. The quote at the beginning is an actual quote from the game, I kid you not.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I-I’m sorry, Master! I was trying to write ‘the impermanence of all worldly matter’…”</p>
<p>“Why did she pick <em>that</em>…?!”</p>
<p>“M-Master… I tried my best. Would you please forgive me?”</p>
<p>Akira stared a moment longer then blinked himself back to the present. “I mean… does it really matter? It’s impermanent; kinda poetic, if you think about it.”</p>
<p>Clara’s facade fell away, just for a moment, and she looked at him with genuine interest. “Oh—thank you. I-I mean,” she held up her hands the way her job demanded, “thank you so much Master~!”</p>
<p>Akira smiled. “Of course. I can tell you’re trying really hard.”</p>
<p>“It really is nice having a Master as understanding as you~,” she said, completely in-character, and yet, Akira could tell she meant it as a genuine statement as well.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Akira sat down, and within moments Clara bounded up to the table. “Welcome home, Master!” She beamed at him, and this time it really was <em>at</em> him, not just ‘at’ him; or rather, <em>through</em> him. “I remember; you filled up your stamp card, so today you get a special item!”</p>
<p>“Sheesh, you’re basically a regular here now…” Morgana teased as she walked to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Here you are! This is our special ‘All Star Set’!” She held up her hands again. “You get to enjoy all our most popular items! They’re filled with my love and appreciation too, of course!”</p>
<p>He was absolutely sure the bit about ‘appreciation’ wasn’t part of the standard spiel. He smiled. “Thanks, Clara.”</p>
<p>She blinked, smiling a bit wider. “You remembered! I’m honored, Master! Also you get to take a picture with me! But please enjoy your meal first while it’s still,” she hesitated slightly, a faint grimace ghosting across her features, “fresh with my love,” she finished.</p>
<p>Akira winced slightly. “Your script writer really didn’t think about the phrasing, huh,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>She shook her head very slightly, murmuring back, “no, they really didn’t…”</p>
<p>He ate his food, and soon Clara was standing next to him with a blinding smile. “Here we go Master~!” She blushed slightly, shuffling in much closer than was probably ‘required’, and there was a <em>click!</em> as the picture was taken. “I’m going to get this picture developed; and I’ll sign it for you, too!”</p>
<p>She came back a bit later, expression slightly bashful. “…Um, here’s the picture.”</p>
<p>He took it, noting that it was actually a really good photo; he couldn’t help but think she was very cute, and felt a little bad, since she was only doing this for a job—</p>
<p>She had written her phone number below her signature.</p>
<p>
  <em>Along with the words ‘Call me’.</em>
</p>
<p>He looked up at her, shocked. “…yeah. I will.”</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p></p><div class="texting">
  <p>Akira: Hey, it’s Akira; and to prove I’m not some guy from the café who happened to overhear the name:</p>
  <p>Akira has sent an image!</p>
  <p>Akira: The picture you signed.</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): I didn’t even think to ask that, holy cow. Thanks, I probably would have thought of that eventually, plus it was really sweet.</p>
  <p>Akira: Not that I mind, (obviously, since we’re having this conversation at all,) but why did you give me your number?</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): You liked my ‘impermanence of matter’ joke. And you’re cute.</p>
  <p>Akira: A glowing recommendation; is it really that uncommon for people to appreciate that? Like… they <em>know</em> maid cafes aren’t real, right? You’re just a good actress. So what if you lampoon the whole clumsy maid schtick here and there?</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): Okay, see, this right here? This is why I gave you my number. Because I can tell you appreciate what I’m doing for <em>what it is</em>. Which is, frankly, a job I hate, but it pays well, and I’m cute, so customers tip well.</p>
  <p>Akira: I’m debating whether agreeing with that statement is weird.</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): I’m adorable, appreciate me.</p>
  <p>Akira: Alright cool; yes, you are very adorable.</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): Thank you. :)</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): I have to ask, though, why were you there at all? You really aren’t the usual type.</p>
  <p>Akira: Uh… ooh boy, how do I explain this without sounding insane…</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): Consider me warned. Try me.</p>
  <p>Akira: Are you sure? I’m not kidding, I promise I’m not crazy—at least, I’m pretty sure, but this is gonna sound pretty wacko</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): And I pretend to be a questionably amorous maid, which is arguably <em>totally</em> wacko. Hit me with it.</p>
  <p>Akira: I’m performing various tasks around Tokyo in order to fill out a metaphysical checklist that provides benefits to a space that exists outside of reality.</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): Can you take me there?</p>
  <p>Akira: That’s… not at all what I expected your first question to be, but I have no idea, I’ve never tried that.</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): <em>Will</em> you try?</p>
  <p>Akira: Uh… sure, I guess? It’s… really surreal, fair warning, and a ton of it isn’t going to make <em>any</em> sense, if you do get in, and I can’t really explain most of it. Okay I <em>can</em> but I don’t want to for a variety of reasons.</p>
  <p>Clara (&lt;3?): As long as it’s not pornographic I think I’ll be fine.</p>
  <p>Akira: It’s definitely not, so you’re good there.</p>
</div><p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Clara bounded over; it was a bit odd seeing her in normal clothing, but she was still wearing the cat-ear headband. “Hey! I’m ready to go down the rabbit hole. Let’s do this.”</p>
<p>“Okay, uh… I guess hold on?” She put a hand on his shoulder, and he willed himself to the Thieves Den.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whoa, you were not kidding, this place is <em>nuts</em>.”</p>
<p>“Oh! You’re not Joker.”</p>
<p>Akira made a cut-off gesture. “She doesn’t know,” he mouthed.</p>
<p>“<em>You!</em>” Clara pointed at Jose. “You drove that car through one of my dreams last month! You’re <em>real</em>?!”</p>
<p>“I’m—you <em>what</em>?!”</p>
<p>Jose nodded. “Yeah! I’m studying humans!”</p>
<p>Clara stared a moment. “Sure, fuck it. Weird little kid who isn’t human.” She turned back to Akira. “You were not kidding. Alright; where to?”</p>
<p>“That’s… that’s just it?”</p>
<p>“You said you didn’t wanna explain, so I’m not asking,” she said simply.</p>
<p>“Oh. Uh… yeah, sure. Wanna play cards? There are other people here, but they’re not… real, technically, they’re just like, simulations based on my memories of the real people.”</p>
<p>“So basically I can troll your friends with no consequences here,” she grinned, “I like it already.</p>
<p>“I—yeah, sure.” Akira laughed. “Wow, I never expected to be able to bring anyone here.”</p>
<p>“<em>Whoooa</em>, what is <em>that</em>!?” She ran over to one of the displays; Johanna. “This is the sweetest bike I’ve ever <em>seen</em>!”</p>
<p>“I don’t have a good answer other than ‘the sweetest bike you’ve ever seen’.”</p>
<p>“Akira, why is there a random girl here.” Makoto’s tone was unamused, and they turned to see her standing a short distance away with her arms crossed. “<em>How</em> is there a random girl here?”</p>
<p>“I… brought her, because I was visiting the maid café for the award on the wall over there,” he pointed, “and she’s interesting, and we hit it off, but I had no way to explain why I was there since I’m not really the maid café type.”</p>
<p>“Whoa, this chick is hard<em>core</em>. Are those contacts, or are your eyes really that color?”</p>
<p>“They’re actually red,” Makoto said curtly.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I forgot that they’re going to respond to seeing you the way I think they would were they actually here…”</p>
<p>“I would hope so! I may be your cognition but if you think I’m not going to chew you out for being irresponsible you’ve got another thing coming!”</p>
<p>“Whoa! Akira, is that your girlfriend!?” Futaba ran over, circling Clara, who was suddenly a bit nervous. “Cat ears, huh? That his idea?”</p>
<p>“Uh… no, I work at a maid café, I just didn’t bother to change headbands.”</p>
<p>“Ohhh, okay.” Futaba looked at Akira, “Pervert,” then flounced away.</p>
<p>Clara snorted. “You have interesting friends.”</p>
<p>“Oh no, you’re not off the hook that easily,” Makoto cut in again.</p>
<p>Clara shook her head. “You realize I have no goddamn idea what’s going on here, right? And he established ahead of time I was just gonna have to deal with that, and that he wasn’t explaining most of this.”</p>
<p>“…and you’re just okay with that?” Makoto said skeptically.</p>
<p>“Sure, why not? I’m either hallucinating, or some really weird shit is going on, but like… I hate my job, I live in a tiny-ass apartment, and this guy is the most interesting thing to happen in my life in a long time. If I’m being kidnapped by the fair folk so be it, but I’m having fun, so I’m not gonna ruin that for myself. I can deal with some weird unanswered questions if it means enjoying myself for <em>once</em>,” Clara finished bitterly.</p>
<p>“O-Oh.” Makoto shifted nervously. “Well… do you want to play cards?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Yes I do.”</p>
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